Wednesday, March 28, 2012

post partum TMI post

If you are one of the few men who read this blog, I recommend you close your browser instead of reading this post. If you're my cousin (hi Jake!), husband, dad, or anyone else related to me, I especially recommend you do so! This is just for the girls.

This post is inspired by my inability to control my bladder this morning while jumping rope. Yep, I peed myself. In public. Awesome. Since some of you are currently expecting your first child, I thought I'd give you a glimpse of what joys you can possibly look forward to after having your baby!

So, here are a few things that are happening at 7 months post-partum:

  • Hair Loss: My hair is still falling out like crazy. Post-partum hair loss usually starts somewhere around 3 months post-partum. Apparently our hair doesn't fall out during pregnancy, and then once all the pregnancy hormones leave the body, all that hair that we had throughout pregnancy begins to shed like crazy. I HATE this stage. For several months, my hair has been falling out everywhere- clumps in the shower, stray hairs in the most random of places like Audrey's diaper or my morning cup of coffee. It's EVERYWHERE and it's SO GROSS.
  • Crooked Boobies: My left boob is at least a full cup size bigger than my right! It's from nursing more often on my left side because it's a more comfortable position for me to hold Audrey. My left boob has clearly become the overachiever and produces way more milk and with a much faster let down. I've tried halfheartedly to even them out by nursing more on the right, but since the let down is faster on the left, it's just easier to start there and then Audrey doesn't nurse as vigorously on the right. I assume that they will even back out again once I stop nursing and they shrivel into saggy little raisin boobies. 
  •  Bladder Incontinence: Until today, I thought I was doing pretty well with the whole bladder control thing. I've done my Kegels and I don't pee when I sneeze or laugh, like many moms I know. But oh, boy, I cannot jump rope without peeing all over myself! My workout crew did some circuit training this morning that involved some jump roping, and I literally could not jump rope without my bladder completely losing control. Pee was running down my leg. It was extremely embarassing until I mentioned it to another mom friend next to me, and she admitted that the same thing was happening to her! And then another mom piped in too. (Cue Adam Sandler in Billy Madison: "you ain't cool, unless you pee your pants!"
Beyond that, my body is back to normal at 7 months post-partum, more or less. That's the good news.

And here are just a few of the things you can look forward to immediately post-partum, before I get mommy amnesia and forget all about them:
  • You will be swollen and hurt. Take everything that the hospital stocks in the recovery room home with you- especially the Tucks pads and the big huge mesh underwear. And the 5 million extra-large pads. (God, I loved those mesh underwear!)
  • Your stomach will look like a weird deflated balloon after birth. It goes away, so don't freak out. I avoided looking at and touching my stomach because it just felt weird and icky. I was able to start sleeping on my stomach again a few days after birth, though, and that was awesome!!
  • It will feel like your uterus is going to fall out of your body when you take your first walk around the block. I think it was just my organs kind of finding their place in my body or something, but it was an incredibly weird and unsettling feeling.
  • Your boobs will be HUGE, HARD, and HOT when your milk comes in. (2-5 days post-birth). It is extremely uncomfortable until the engorgement subsides. (tip: nurse as much as possible and pump when it gets really bad, especially if you're too engorged for baby to latch properly.) On the plus side, I enjoyed the short time that i looked like a porn star!
  • You will be very, very tired. And this will probably never end until your children go to college, so get used to it! hahahaha
Have I scared anyone yet? It's not really that bad...most of the time! I'd love to hear from other moms about your post-partum experiences...I know I've left a lot out!


  1. I am like cryyying picturing you and the other moms all like "I peed my pants!" "Oh hey girl me too!" "I'm peeing right now!" OMG toooo funny!!! I *am* totally freaked out about most aspects of motherhood, but at least you get some funny moments of hilarity/solidarity with other moms out of it. Keep the highly informative posts coming!! :)

  2. Good to know that several of the things I am experience during pregnancy stick around post-partum! Not once but twice I (practically) peed myself during important end-of-the season 49ers football games when I jumped up and down in sudden excitement. Kind of embarassing to ask hubby to pause the game so I can go change my underwear:(

  3. BTW the 49ers peeing in my pants story was from me - wasn't trying to hide behind Anonymous! Just forgot to sign :)
    xoxo Linz

  4. Hi, I'm from the May 2010 birthboard on BBC and I am experiencing the same exact things. My boys are about same age as your girls (may 2010 & Sept 2011). I go to Jazzercise during the week and about died when I leaked when we were jumping during a song. I don't remember doing that between the boys either. It made me feel kinda old to be honest. Haha. Oh the joys of motherhood.
    Btw: love your blog and we pretty much are going through the exact same things, (sleep training, losing hair, lack of sleep) you are not alone!