naps

I started some nap training for Audrey today. Yes, that means I am letting her cry in her crib until she falls asleep. I'm watching the video monitor with tears in my eyes. I hate this part. I know there are many theories on sleep, and parenting, and trust me- I've read them all, I've tried them all.

You who have no children yet, or only have one child, or only have children who delightfully drift off to sleep, or simply have children who are different from mine-  Don't judge until you've been in my shoes. There isn't anything easy or enjoyable about this. This is a "never say never" moment for me in my parenting journey. I would have never thought that I would be a sleep "trainer", and yet, here I am.

I wish I could lay down with my baby for each and every one of her naps, but the fact is that it's just not feasible when you have more than one child who need constant supervision. I have been locking Juliet in our living room to watch cartoons while I spend hours alone with Audrey in her room (hours accumulated over the course of the day, I mean) helping her sleep in my arms. And while I cherish those moments with Audrey, this just isn't fair to Juliet.

I have deliberated on this choice with a heavy heart. I have tried other alternatives like babywearing but Audrey is just too alert to sleep for long periods anymore while being worn.

Finding that balance between each of my children's needs is tough. I am glad Audrey won't remember this part- although I will. I hate hearing my baby cry.

Update: Well, that was a massive failure. She cried, hard, for 35 minutes. I cried. And then I went in to get her. Her head was all wet from sweat from crying. She settled down within a minute of being in my arms. I can't do this yet. Maybe another time. Maybe never.