My birthday baby

Dear Audrey,

You are turning 1 year old in just a couple days. It is so bittersweet for a mama to watch her child grow. You are growing into such a lovely and beautiful little girl. You are walking now on very steady feet- your first steps came about 1 month ago. No more crawling for you! You want to be in on all the action and never want to miss a moment with Juliet, Daddy, and doggie. It was good motivation to learn to walk!

You are a happy, content child, and have been since birth. You smile big and brightly and show off your cute little teeth- 2 on top and 2 on bottom. Teething can be a little hard on occasion but you're otherwise an easygoing little girl. You've started to enjoy playing with balls and blocks and putting on sparkly necklaces- just like big sister. You also love to play with Ellie, who is endlessly patient with the tugs and pulls.

You are still nursing a few times a day and I am enjoying that special bond we share in the dim light of your nursery. I am eager for you to start sleeping through the night since mama is tired! I started letting you cry in the middle of the night just a few days ago. I'm sorry for the rude birthday present. I know you won't hold it against me and that I'll be a better mama for you when we both are sleeping a longer stretch at night. I love you and it's so painful to make decisions like this when I just want to cuddle you and nuzzle you until I hear the deep, slow sounds of  your sleep again. I never want you to hurt, never want you to feel alone.

You enjoy cuddling during the day and being "worn" in a wrap or carrier still, but you also make it clear when you want down to explore on your own. You have a wonderful streak of curiosity and independence that I love to sit back and watch. It is such a privilege to be your mother, to spend this first year with you, and look forward to all that is to come.

You entered this world last year in a time that was full of grief and sadness for your grandma's passing. I can't imagine a better soul being sent to us from heaven to help me heal. You are my light and my joy, and I love you- forever and ever.

love,
mama

I took the girls to Home Goods today and we briefly browsed through the children's section. Juliet was being delightful and wonderful. We passed by the small selection of Halloween costumes, and she became absolutely smitten with the purple fairy costume.

"PURPLE!!"
"PRINCESS!""....

"PURPLE PRINCESS!"
...
And so it begins...

She will be a purple fairy princess for Halloween this year, at her choosing. I guess mama only gets 2 years of being in charge of costumes.

And I guess she figured out what a princess was on her own, despite never having watched a single Disney princess movie. I even go so far as to call the princess dolls we see at the store, "the girl with the brown hair and the pretty dress", instead of "the pretty princess." I've always known that she has been hard wired since birth to be a feminine girl- she has loved sparkly things and jewelry since infancy. It looks like our princess phase, which was always inevitable, is starting.

Juliet in her magical rainbow fairy costume (keeping the purple one for Halloween.)

One year later.

I miss you. Every single day.

Thank you for loving me and caring for me and guiding me. Thank you for showing how to live a noble and purposeful life.

I so desperately wish I was sitting on the counter in your kitchen, chatting about the day with you while your grandchildren ran circles around your feet. I love you.

 

in loving memory of my mom
2/27/56-7/31/2011

ABC's

I have been practicing the ABCs with Juliet while we drive in the car.

Instead of singing the ABCs, she just repeats the letter back to me. And every single time, she does the cutest damned thing. It goes like this:

Mom: "A"
Juliet: A!!"
Mom: "B"
Juliet: "B!!"
and so on...

And then we get to this part:

Mom: "U"

Juliet: "Me!!"

It kills me every single time.

a conversation in my house goes like this.

J: "Mommy!"
(I'm in the back of the house, putting my contacts in. I ignore her.)
J: "Mommy?"
Me: "Yeah, baby, I'm back here. I'll be right there."
J: "Mommy!" (gets louder)
Me: "In a minute, my love. Mommy's getting ready so we can go to the park."
J: "Mommy!" (louder, more insistent)
Me: "I hear you. I will be right there."
J: "Mommy!" (louder)
J: "Mommy!" (louder)
J: "Mommy!" (at top of lungs. Not angry, but LOUD)
J: "MOMMY!!!!"

Me: "WHAT?!" (exasperated)

Juliet: "Hiiiiiiiiiii!" (in sweet, sing-songy voice)

special memories

It's amazing how many wonderful moments happen every single day that are so precious and memorable. These are just a few from today:

Juliet and Audrey giggling like crazy together while they jump on the bed and take turns getting tossed in the air.
 ___

Juliet farts loudly. We both erupt in laughter, and then I tell her, "It's okay. Everybody farts sometime." Conversation ensues:
"Dada?" Yes. Dada farts!
"Baba?" Yes. Baba (grandpa) farts!
"CeCe?" Yes. Cece (aunt christy) farts!
"Uncle?" Yes. Uncle farts!
"Doggie?" Yes. Doggie farts!
We laugh and laugh as we go through every family member who farts.
___

Audrey's first carousel ride. All smiles.

___

Nursing Audrey to sleep while Juliet sits quietly in the chair rubbing Audrey's head.
____
Putting Juliet to sleep, kissing her forehead, and walking out the door as she blows kisses to me.

Life.

Audrey put these necklaces on all by herself. Taking after her sister!

4th of July

Classic Juliet face.

Licorice on the safari tram.

Naked baby. Dog. Life is good.

Playing in the blanket fort.

Audrey is such a happy baby. I am so lucky.